Top 5 Tastes at the Hoagie Haven: Magic in the Mid-Atlantic

Jersey food snobs may bicker over which exit claims the greatest temple of haute cuisine–the Ryland Inn and the Frog and the Peach each have their partisans–but any right-minded eater knows that Princeton’s Hoagie Haven is the tri-state’s greatest all-American eatery. For the uninitiated, here’s an all-day dining adventure to acquaint you with the menu.

1) 8 AM: You’ve just driven in from the last cheap Route 1 motel in shooting distance. You’re hungry and half-asleep. Turn the day around with a bell pepper and cheese omelette on a toasted hoagie. So much better than the Wa’s bagel sandwiches or even an Egg McMuffin. Consider adding a side of morning fries. Fat-crisped potatoes know no night or day! Tropicana OJ to drink.

2) 11:25 AM: Return for a first lunch of grilled cheese. Bite through the salty crust and let oozing provelone spill forth in its purest form. Well adapted to ambulatory eating. Admit that your shirt is now grease-stained. Accept that you are powerless over provelone and enjoy your sandwich while you look for a good picnic setting, or while waiting for your cold hoagie (see below).

3) 11:30: Cold Italian hoagie for second lunch. You’ll want a cold sandwich for picnicking purposes. It’ll holdup better and be more refreshing in the sunshine than a hot cheese steak. Make sure to add vinegar and oil, as well as spices. Perfect for a walk to Lake Carnegie or even Cannon Green or huddle in the shadows of what was once Olden Street’s greatest temple of burn-out Tiger life.

4) 3:30 PM: Take advantage of this off hour for a rice pudding snack. A light, relatively nutritious and stomach-settling treat. Baby food, but good baby food. Staff at the Haven will recognize you by now and appreciate your commitment to all-day dining.

4.5) 3:35-12:59: Enjoy beverage options on campus or in-town. In-town there’s the Ivy Inn for the truly lost day time drinker. The Annex and Triumph are better bets, as are the Nassau Inn and the Alchemist&Barrister.

5) 1AM: End a long night and begin a new day with a bacon cheese steak. Ask for extra cheese, extra bacon, extra hot peppers, extra ketchup and extra spices. This is the Mid-Atlantic’s greatest sandwich and should be ordered with all the aforementioned “extra”s. Sit outside the Haven on a bench and savor the masterpiece bite by bite. Rehydrate with large bottle of (root) beer and watch the hungry masses huddle up for their piece of the dream.

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3 Responses to “Top 5 Tastes at the Hoagie Haven: Magic in the Mid-Atlantic”

  1. Food Fan Says:

    Skip the Sanchez. Chicken cutlet on hoagie with mozzarella sticks, french fries, american cheese and Sanchez sauce is a stoner’s idea of haute cuisine. Nothing against stoners, haute cuisine, or even referencing the Dirty Sanchez in a food establishment, but this is not the direction in which the Haven needs to go.

    Also, prices have finally caught up with the times. They’re still reasonable but at least two dollars more than on my last visit for the large hoagies.

  2. swimaniac Says:

    hoagie haven is cheap quik and delicious and best of all greasy there is nothing negative about the joint

  3. Kit Says:

    I’ve been all over the world, and this is the tastiest food I’ve encountered. The hamburgers are overlooked gems: get em with lettuce tomato onions pickles ketchup mustard salt pepper spices. Chicken parm is pretty good too.
    Also, don’t be a clown: have your order ready by the time you reach the counter, and only tell the guy what toppings you want when he asks (which will be when the food is done cooking and the bread has been sliced).
    You will not be disappointed in Hoagie Haven. Enjoy!

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