Of course you don’t, but if you did…
1) ‘Shrooms: Room 4 Dessert
Wildly colored, flavored and textured foods, dangerously eclectic music and koan like phrases on the menu, plus city’s strangest servers. If that’s not enough to send you to Wonderland, talk to Will and really jumpstart your head trip. So much better than those late career Phish shows and a wiser use of your precious psilocybin.
2) Benzedrine: Gordon Ramsey
Not my speed, as it were, but given how fast they’ll rush you out, it pays to be predisposed to getting things done in a hurry.
3) Coke: Balthazar
No need to do it, just sit next to some middle-aged coked up patrons and dine off their plates. I’ve enjoyed towers of fruits de mers from nose-powdering neighbors who ordered and didn’t eat some of the best items on the menu.
4) Weed: Babbo
You’ll hear and see the flavor profiles in a whole new way with a bit of vaporized help from your friends. Though menu isn’t divided into burner categories of salty, sweet, buttery and spicy, it offers plenty of them all, plus umami-like depth of flavor, Italian style. You’ll lick your fork. Just don’t lick your server (or take a bite of Mario’s charcuterie-perfect calves).
5) E-Letdown: Gramercy Tavern
Who better to guide you back to reality after a night of ecstatic brain frying than Danny Meyer? Gentle rhythms, fantastically comforting food, warm voices and big friendly eyes that swaddle you in love: this is the infancy you never had and the perfect place to rejoin the ranks of the rational.